Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
