Pappa wants mamma naked
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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