You're my little dorito
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
