think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
