He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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