FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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