Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
