On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
