lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
