I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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