I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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