im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
