is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize