my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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