Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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