You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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