ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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