she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
