my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
