And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
