I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
