U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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