i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
