How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
