Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
