end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Michael Bay diarrhea
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
