I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
