I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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