i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
