I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
