I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ketchup is God's man juice
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Couch. On fire.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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