i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
