I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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