I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
