i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
