I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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