im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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