grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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