I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
