I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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