yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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