i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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