so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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