its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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