this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
