i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Panties = found
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
