Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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