After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
