it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
