the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
