Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
