I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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