Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
