My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
