Welp...herpes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
