I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
