i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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