Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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