These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You are the jesus of drinking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
