I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Two words: nipple clamps
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