He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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