Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
