Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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