You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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