My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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