I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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