toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
