You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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