Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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