My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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