Dual....:-)
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
