I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
