Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
