I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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