Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
