there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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