All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
