Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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