you win again, gameday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
