So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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